TVlicious

Heidi Klum & Seal Split: Hot Single Father's of 4 Pray for a Brady Bunch Love Match

2012-01-24T13:17:00.001-08:00

When asked about the split, Seal had this to say "My lovely wife shouldn't have to endure my endless tantrums and constant need of reassurance about how beautiful my face is."

When pressed Heidi said, "I can do bad all by myself". She then swirled her neck and snapped her fingers in Z formation. Some think she's been hanging around Tyra Banks too long.

Hey, Heidi, I hear Gabriel Aubry's free. I don't believe those rumors about him not liking black people either. I'm sure he can be persuaded to be into Halloween just as hardcore as you. Perhaps he can go in black face.

CW to Debut New Show Oh Shit ... I Mean Sit

2012-01-12T15:37:00.001-08:00

CW will debut new game show that is an "exciting" version of musical chairs where the contestants are hopped up on Red Bull - who is, of course, a sponsor. When asked about this "stellar" concept, show producers said "Yeah, it's stupid, but I will be hilarious." After a few cocktails, producers went on to say "It's all a very expensive practical joke, really. The country thinks they're loopy on Red Bull, when in fact, we give them Russian Standard. The true object of the show is not to curse on camera. We've already taped 3 episodes and its all we can do not to pee our pants. We really just want to inspire memes and college drinking games."

Kim Richards on Her Rumored Drug Addiction

2012-01-12T11:28:00.001-08:00

"Crack is whack. Everyone knows that. Whitney Houston told me so. Also, the children are our future, though my kids hate my guts. [tee-hee]" Richards' eyes then rolled into the back of her head. Moments later when she regained lucidity, she wiped the spittle from her chin and said "God, it's so hard being off the sauce. These prescription animal tranquilizers make me a little loopy. Speaking of loopy ... don't you just love my new boyfriend. I think he has like the best personality and he's cute and cuddly like a komodo dragon troll. Don't you just want to curl up on rainy day with a troll and pet his scaly skin." She smiled creepily and just when her eyes went off to never, never land she turned abruptly to the interviewer with narrow, focused lenses and whispered harshly, "Do you have any quaaludes? If you're holding out on me fat man, I will cut you!"

Top Chef's Beverly Speaks out about being bullied

2012-01-12T10:43:00.005-08:00

"I don't know why these bitches keep hating on me. They're not bring the kimchi! I"m bring the kimchi, yo! Restaurant Wars? I'll burn your shit and then win! Underestimate me if you want to. I gotta sleeve tatt. All chicks with sleeve tatts are bad asses!" Beverly Kim went on to say "Seriously, though. They hate me because I'm annoying."

Top Chef's Beverly Speaks out about being bullied

2012-01-12T10:43:00.003-08:00

Top Chef's Beverly Speaks out about being bullied

2012-01-12T10:43:00.001-08:00

'Psych' Star James Roday Responds to Critics About His New Hefty Frame

2012-01-11T11:51:00.001-08:00

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef0147e182aae5970b-400wi

"I haven't gotten fat. I've bulked up. Feel that gun, son. That's all mass. Solid as a rock disco style. I have to carry around bags of meat like Taylor Lautner to keep the muscle on. I have an insanely high metabolism." James Roday went on to say "Oh, my muffin top? Oh that's pure Chips Ahoy and love! You gotta live a little, too. Life's not all protein shakes and beet juice."

Khloe Kardashian Responds to Rumors that Robert Sr. Wasn't Her Father

2012-01-11T11:14:00.001-08:00

"I'm smart, logical, sane and in a stable healthy relationship. Of course, I'm only marginally related to these people. That's old hat. I keep the Kardashian moniker for branding purposes and my love and respect for Robert Sr." She went on to say, "Rest in peace old chap. You did right by me!"

Kris Jenner wants to be a Kardashian ... And Rule the World!

2011-06-03T11:37:00.001-07:00

Kris Jenner is a domineering cuckoo bird. She wants to change her name back to Kardashian. "No, Bruce and I are still together. I want to capitalize on the Kardashian name, ride the coattails of my children & create my own brand of fame of getting paid 4 having no talent. I made them Kardashians by boinking their father. Until Bruce grows some balls & stops being a cuckholded rooster, we'll ALL be Kardashians!" Cue maniacal laughter. The once hot Bruce Jenner only had this to say when he heard the news, "Kris who?" BAM!! She just got served! Back to you Bob w/ the weather.

Wolf Blitzer v. Tony Weiner: The Cock is Yours

2011-06-02T11:44:00.001-07:00

In the age of camera phones, ex-con papparazzos and HD video, can a man not whip his cock out in peace? If we are going to be judged by crap we did in college, trot out the crucifixes now. The real question is what bill was Anthony Weiner trying to pass that had his enemies pull this card out of their hat.

Wolf Blitzer: Is this your weiner?

Tony Weiner: I appreciate you asking me that question.

Wolf: Is the weiner yours?

Weiner: We've hired a firm to get to the bottom of this.

Wolf: Is this your wein in the photo or not Weiner?

Weiner: You know Jon Stewart may have been right last night.

Wolf: Yes or no, the cock is yours.

Weiner: well uh, you see uh ...

Wolf: Is your underwear gray?

Weiner: It's hard to say. Did I use fabric softner that day? Did a pop one of those clorox sheets in the wash? You know the ones that catch all the die from your other clothes... did I have a two for one coupon on color safe bleach? These are all factors.

Wolf: Is that you in the photo?

Weiner: You keep flashing that thing at me. Well, I hope it's me otherwise, this is a little gay.

Wolf: Is that a definitive yes then?

Weiner: Can we pan up to the face?

Wolf: No.

Weiner: Then I have no definitive answer.

McDreamy Quits Grey'

2011-06-02T11:30:00.001-07:00

McDreamy Quits Grey's after next season. The Former Pizzaman Gigolo stated, "My hair and hotness are simply too big for the small screen. I'm going after that movie career I had in my youth.

At this age, they call it "Pulling a Clooney." I want to get paid to crash racecars. I want that Bourne money honey. I hope for a nice memorable send off. Carter & Lucy style."

Mariska Hargitay to Chris Meloni: "Good Riddance"

2011-06-02T10:24:00.001-07:00

Mariska Hargitay finally speaks out about co-star Meloni leaving SVU. She is said to miss him "terribly." "Like a chancre sour or a hemorrhoid. He was like a volcano always ready to blow. I think he needed that man on man love that I couldn't provide him." She would onto say "good riddance ... that's bet of luck in French."

Chris Meloni leaving SVU after Decades of Indentured Servitude

2011-06-02T10:20:00.001-07:00

Chris Meloni leaving SVU after decades of indentured servitude. Cited not having OZ as a creative outlet to buffer against the redundant storyarcs of SVU. He was quoted as saying "How many different ways can one get raped and/or sexually assaulted?" and "How many times can one cash that huge pay check AND phone it in and not get fired by NBC? The answer is infinity."

Top 3 Shows I'm Canceling from my DVR This Month - March 2011

2011-03-04T13:37:00.001-08:00

There is entirely too much television watching to do without having to suffer through bad shows. Here are the Top 3 Shows that are still airing, but that I have PERSONALLY canceled off my DVR.

1. Off The Map

The OVER acting, the over acting, the over acting mostly by the drug using black man, the fake bush (get your mind out of the gutter, I'm talking about the "jungle bush" that resided on Home Depot's parking lot that very morning), the fake Mexicans ... I mean central americans (I know a Puerto Rican when I see one!), the lack of draw from any of the characters or storylines ... snoreeeeeeeeeeee. Why are they being upstaged by non-famous guest stars. Why don't they give the guest stars the show? The Brit, delish. The hot criminal who's a doctor drop out w/ a sexy gunshot wound, he can stay. The nazi (well, he's dead and ... a nazi, but still MORE interesting as a "redeemed" nazi than ANY of the people that STAR on the show), the teen doctor local, the Aussie (please amp up his storyline, the comawife and the dying chick from Twilight ain't gonna cut it), the hot local doctor w/ the sass and the attitude all can stay. Everyone else can go. Just swap out the black guy with another black guy that can act. White America won't even know it.

2. Private Practice

Allison is a whore. I can dig it. But does she have to sleep with everyone on the dias? Can she not shit where she eats? Even I know the hot latin dude is better suited to her than Taye Diggs. Allison has the sexual attention span of a fruit fly. Is it just me or did Taye lose his hotness once he became a dad in real life? And we all know that Pete was supposed to be Allisons reason for staying in LA, the big will they/won't they relationship of the show until they realized that they had no fricking chemistry. Besides having Allison in a relationship w/ her bestfriends hot black ex-husband farmed more stories. Problem is they consummated that relationship AFTER it wasn't interesting anymore. They waited to long. We were no longer horny for it. The rape storyline is actually pretty good if old hat. But I can't wade through the muck of everything else, the boring Pete storyline, Judging Amy writing Daniel Steele novels (didn't Taye Diggs star in a movie w/ that SAME storyline?), the black chick being MIA for stock reason #47 just to get to Charlotte. I got a spinoff show for you. Runaway bride Charlotte moves to New York and becomes a celebrity sex therapist -- make her archnemesis/will they won't they relationship love interest be her real life superduper hot husband Jason Behr. I'm just GIVING ideas away. Universe, let it be so! I'm gonna need a storyby credit though! I'll have my lawyer draw up the papers.

3. White Collar

I love Neil - I like him better as Chuck's archenemy though. But I love whoever is styling him and I'm jealous of whoever is sleeping w/ him in real life. I love Motzy. Tiffani Amber Theisen, Sharif Atkins and that black British chick from Las Vegas are underutilized throw aways. But what really sucks are the storylines. I must admit that I'm glad they killed off Kate so Neil could be free to schtup other people while wandering the universe trying to avenge her soul. White Collar spy light - its diet spy. Meanwhile, I'm suffering through Deadwood reruns and the brother Caradine and his bad hair weave trying to catch a glimpse of this straight man FBI agent going all wild wild west. If you understood any of that, you watch entirely too much TV.

Judge and Ye Shall Be Judged!

2011-02-12T09:28:00.001-08:00

4 Weddings - TLC

Four chicks attend each other's weddings in hopes of winning a honeymoon. My question is, if you spend 25-40K on a wedding ... how come you couldn't earmark 3K for a honeymoon? But that's just me. Its funny to see 4 women judge each other's wedding AT the wedding. Then you see the judg-ERs wedding and you're like, honey ... this is whack! It's broken into 4 categories: Dress, Venue, Food and Over all experience. I like a show that encourages me to judge from my own home.

The Big C

2010-08-16T23:42:00.000-07:00

Laura Linney is going to win an Emmy or 3. There are so many quotables in this show, I wish I was taking notes. "You can't be fat AND mean. Fat people are jolly for a reason. You can either be fat and jolly or a skinny bitch." Lol, what??? Obesity is last frontier of p.c. comedy. Everybody's going down on this show. There are so many REALLY good actors that I thought it was Oscarfest - much like Lobsterfest but without the butter ... is that Idris Elba bringing on some mochachocolate swirl action? Why do I feel like I'm going to laugh hysterically (did she just call that old lady a cunt?) AND cry. Twenty bucks Linney lands a Pantene commercial. I love that mane she's rocking.

Boston Med

2010-08-10T04:01:00.000-07:00

Take Grey's Anatomy and subtract the soap opera elements and add a dose of TLC and Discovery Channel and you have ABC's new show Boston Med. A good human interest show.

Haven

2010-08-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

It's like Eureka meets the X-Files. It's light, funny and creepy. The episodes are interesting, the men are hot and the show doesn't get bogged down in that "do you believe in the supernatural" mess. It's SyFy, we already believe, get on with the storyline. Nice to see Eric Balfour has found a vehicle that can simultaneously showcase and subdue his creepiness.

Peep Show

2010-07-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

UK import that's wacked and funny about two perverts (one inadequate and bubbling, the other inadequate and brazen) told first person camera style or as I like to call it cinema-veri-porn. You can watch it free on Hulu or BBC America. Hulu's probably uncensored while BBC America keeps bleeping out words that AREN'T curse words in America (and even if they were, it's flipping cable which isn't regulated by standards and practices so it's just all around silly). Anyway, there was an MTV super low-budg show that tried to rip this style of camera work off, but it's probably cancelled. Lord, I hope it is. That show sucked.

Dad Camp

2010-07-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

Pre-Dead beats are put in bootcamp BEFORE they're worthless. Don't let Dr. Jeff fool you, he'll put the smackdown on your ass. I like shows like this. I'm tired of these elimination shows where the people who need the help the most get kicked off first because they aren't learning their lesson fast enough. All them mofos need to stay to the end! They need to take this show on the road. They need to teach this class in highschools across America, at the learning Annex, and in jail (hell, at the law firm, the gym, on the street corners with the hustlers!). Dead-beat-dad-ism is rampant in this country. I think we'd have less serial killers, domestic abusers, gang bangers and strippers if they took this show on the road. We'd be on the road to fricking Wellville. Next stop: free prenatal and good education for all! A girl can dream right?

Friday Night Spank Bank: Issac Keys

2010-07-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

The deliciousness that is Issac Keys (former NFL Player) is romancing Omarosa on her new dating show The Ultimate Merger. Please let her chose someone else because I want him for myself. A tall beautiful athletic educated (Morehouse) eloquent funny black man that STILL dates sistas??? Where do I sign up? We're the same age, from the same town. What, what? Why do I feel like I should have kept this to myself? Like yall are tracking down his number as we speak .... traitors!

Louie

2010-07-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

Is this show good? I can't tell. And why is Louis C. K. basically running the show by himself? Is he Tyler Perry now? Edited by Louis C. K.? Edited? You couldn't get your college roommate to edit your show? I liked Lucky Louie better, but its too early to tell if this will turn into something that will un-cringe me. It's like part-show, part-documentary. I'm putting this on a 3 episode probation.

Hot in Cleveland

2010-07-08T14:13:00.001-07:00

Why is this show funnier than most sitcoms on network television and it's put out by fricking TV Land? WTH? Comedy vets Betty White (Golden Girls, MTM, Mama's Family), Wendy Malick (Just Shoot Me) and Jane Leeves (Fraiser) are only toting the dead weight that is Valerie Bertinelli(One Day at a Time). Seriously, they need to drop her like Different World dropped Lisa Bonet. They should replace her like Valerie became the Hogan Family. Seriously, they're hilarious and she's flat.

FUTURAMA is back!

2010-07-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

First they resurrected Family Guy ... and now Futurama. I'm convinced the universe is on my side. I'm sorry, but I'm one of those few people that think that Futurama is more ingenius than the Simpsons. I've been spending this entire time watching the reruns and laughing my ass off. Watching the movies they tried to masquerade as episodes and laughing my ass off. I'm at peace with the world now that I can watch new Bender jokes for breakfast. Other shows they should resurrect are as follows:

Cowboy Bebop
Wonderfalls
New Amsterdam
Journeyman
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Sons and Daughters

I mean this list could go on and on and on.

Work of Art

2010-07-01T06:59:00.000-07:00

I love this show. Executive produced by Sarah Jessica Parker, Work of Art is going to do for art what Project Runway did for fashion, what Top Chef did for good food, Top Chef Master's did for famous chefs and hell what Queer Eye did for a straight man's apartment, hygiene and fashion. It's going to elevate your knowledge of art. Its going to make you yearn to learn more. It's going to make you stop buying pieces out of Ikea. At least that's what it should do.

True Beauty

2010-06-29T21:31:00.001-07:00

Bimbos/Mimbos are secretly judged on their innerbeauty. Apparently, Vanessa Minnillo is the judge of that - still questioning who made that judgement call. I don't know why they don't just have Carson Kressley be the main host of this show. Vanessa Minnillo is such a non-celebrity that when she walks out at the end of the episode for the big reveal (FYI this is season 2 people), the contestants don't even know she's a celebrity much less have an ah-ha moment of oooo, i was being judged on my inner beauty. They never even have heard of the show. She literally has to explain it to them, and they literally still think its the fake show "Face of Vegas." And when she says "Carson, Amazon woman and I" they are like, who the hell are you? This chick is known more for being Nick Lachey's sperm receptacle than her VJ hosting skills, and it's obvious the contestants on this show spend too much time looking in the mirror than reading the Enquirer and Us Weekly to know who she is. She's no Tyra Banks or Heidi Klum. People aren't in awe of her. Even Camila Alves on Sheer Genius evokes a gasp from the contestants on sheer beauty alone, then the modeling and the Vicky C's and the Matthew McConaughey ... no one is impressed by Nick Lachey's fuck buddy. Maybe they should just have Nick host the show. I'm sure more people would watch. I'm sure the fucking contestants would know who the hell he was ... well, half of them anyway.

Shout out to my girl Liz. Chick failed EVERY challenge. Ain't no shame in her game. She kept it real ... real dishonest.

Friday Night Spank Bank: Grant Bowler

2010-06-25T12:42:00.000-07:00

Wilhelmina Slater's love toy joins True Blood's werewolf pack as head fuzzy in charge. Yall know I'm Team fricking Jacob though I love Anne Rice #vampirepurest. Oh, how I love a good accent and tight abs and a bit of age and wisdom. Fine wine, people! Fine wine!

Donald J. Trump presents: The Ultimate Merger AKA the Omarosa Show!

2010-06-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

Omarosa has a new show and at first I was skeptical that it would be a trainwreck (which meant I HAD to see it), but it is awesome! Which means, I will certainly continue to watch it and you should too! IT is easily my new favorite show! It's a dating show and its produced by Apprentice alum Andrew Litinsky and The Donald himself. You can tell they are actually friends with her and care about her because of the casting and quite eligible, overeducated black males that I personally envy that she has access to the lot of! Send me some cast offs! Why is Al B. Sure a contestant?! They should have made him a double agent consultant who falls in love with her and wants to be in the competition. You know how these shows go! Honestly I paused this show on my DVR like 13 times because it was either hilarious, absurd or the people on it were so hot or saying something SOOOO outrageous or reacting to something so outrageous that I had to STOP and call people. I"m not joking. Watch this show. This is a watercooler show. Be in the know people. Be the trendsetter of television! Honestly, this show will set Omarosa in a more vulnerable light i.e. a more likeable one. I believe the bitch act is a front and armor (take it from a TRUE alpha female bitch who doesn't have to try that hard, lol) that all that is a persona. This show will show layers of her personality and we will glimpse a vulnerability that will probably be good PR for the hopes of which Katherine Heigl should wish to see! My pics for a spin-off show are the pimped out Referend who keeps it real and Katrina from Apprentice: Season 2? and Miami Social fame! Her hot newly single self needs her own dating show. The Referend needs his own advice/life coach show ala Dr. Jeff and Dad Camp. Ultimate Merger is on Thursday nights on TV-One @ 8 or 9p.m. depending on your time zone.

Selling New York

2010-06-24T09:07:00.000-07:00

Do you live in New York? Do you want to but don't have the money? Do you dream of having a hot new loft and ends to actually furnish it? Are you a dreamer? Watch this show. It's real estate and the kooky people who can afford it. You a getaway in the Hamptons? Three story town-house in Brooklyn? Converted church condo in Manhattan? Watch this show. Dream on Dreamer!

Jersey Couture

2010-06-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

I love this show. I thought I would hate it. Honestly, I didn't know really know what it was about. It's about a mom and two sisters who run a unique "couture" dress shop in Jersey. They're flashy and over the top and I love them. They're brassy and bossy and in each other's business. They pull no punches and they love their jobs. They feel up all of their clientele from boobs to butts to the "booty pop". I LOVE that yellow sheer "booty pop" dress! I don't are what the daughters say! But they know what the hell they're talking about. They know what dress looks good on you. They know what you want before you do. They're personable and I love they're business model of you get naked in the dressing room, I'll bring you the dresses you don't know you want! They're brilliant. Watch this show. I dare you to stop! You're going to have to watch the show to know wth a "fluff me" is. I ain't tellin ya!

Friday Night Spank Bank: Ethan Peck

2010-06-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

Sure Ethan Peck (Patrick Verona, 10 Things I Hate About You) is in highschool ... sure!!! He's not a 24-year-old man child. The deeeeeeeeep voice, tall as an oak tree, the floppy coif, the nonchalance ... be-still my heart. He and Lindsey Shaw on the only reasons to watch 10 Things I Hate About You show. Honestly, I wish they would write everyone else off except the dad and the mimbo. He's funny. Tune into ABC Family for some hot deliciousness. Remember this is the network that gifted us with Kyle XY's Matt Dallas (who is infinitely hotter when he's not playing a savant). For some reason Roswell's Jason Behr comes to my mind. OMG there's an orgy in my head ... dead babies, BP oil spill, Katherine Heigl ... and I'm back. Fuck it, Enjoy the bonus hotties. You have A.D.D. just like I do.

Real Housewives New York/New Jersey: Shit Starters Du Jour

2010-06-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or Danielle a little too much. She's exhausting to watch. Where Kelly Bensimon is entertainingly off her fucking rocker, Danielle isn't crazy, she's just warped and broken. Kelly needs professional help and some meds. Danielle needs to see a psychiatrist about once a week and hire a life coach. I may just be splitting hairs here. Shit starters the lot of them. It's no wonder Bethenny and Dina left the show. I'd watch a Dina show with her daughter and grandma wrinkles and her decorating celebrity houses. I'd watch that show. Bravo get on it. No Danielle please. Chick is exhausting. It's crazy when Ramona of all people turns out to be the one that's the fricking voice of reason. She was dead right seasons ago and we didn't know because her truth was hidden under a pile of crazy eyes, inappropriate outbursts and rapid fire speaking. We know now Ramona, we know now ... you know what the fuck you're talking about. We apologize for not believing. We are believers now.

Bridal Bootcamp

2010-06-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

I get it. Fat chicks want to fit into their wedding dresses. It's just not interesting. I need a celebrity, a groom or a wedding planner ... not a trainer. Yawn.

The OCD Project

2010-05-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

Behavioral treatment for OCD. No drugs, just cold turkey craziness. The therapist, Dr. David Tolin starts off the first session by licking the bottom of a shoe. I swear 5 people almost bolted on the spot. I think it would have been grosser if he licked the INSIDE of her shoe honestly. This looks intense ... and guilty ... and wrong. It's slicker and sure to be more controversial than Horders. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOO there. Think if Hype Williams directed Intervention on CRACK! Getty up! VH1 ain't fucking around.

Basketball Wives

2010-04-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

Reality show following Miami/Orlando basketball wives or as I like to call them classy booshy black bitches and one skank whore. I'll let you decide who's who. Please Lord, God in heaven let them have spin-offs: Football Wives, Baseball Wives, Hockey Wives and the ever so white-trashy perfection Race Car Driver Wives. And step it up a notch Realhousewives style with the production value will you? Jerseyshore looks like it gets more funding. And I'm not really understanding why skank whore should be let into the group. Is she dating a player?

Tough Love Couples

2010-04-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

Honestly, isn't this just a classier version of Tool Academy? The only difference is we get to find out more about how their chicks are fucked up too. I love a good show where I can sit and judge from the comfort of my own home. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Steve Ward's short fuse makes for good TV and every once in a while he wears a nice sweater that gives a peak at some chest hair ... and I'm drifting ... and I'm dreaming ... and I'm floating ... and I'm back. Anyway, what was I talking about?

What Chili Wants

2010-04-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

What Chili wants is a damn miracle not a man. I think it was Missy Elliot that told her to date Jesus. That shit is just comedy. The other break out star here is the black chick from the hood come matchmaker, Tionna Smalls who wrote some book telling bitches to get their damn shit together ... well, alrighty then. They even bring in the ex-husband Dallas Austin to shed some light. Chili goes on dates asking folks point blank if they're on the down-low lmao. I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP! They ask her friends Missy, Tionne (T-Boz to you) and everyone else what's her damn problem. Why is it that VH1 and Bravo consistently get this genre of television right where CW fails miserably? What would make this show super awesome is for Usher to come crawling back (preferably with his shit together and his cheating past resolved) on the finale and Chili to get off her damn high horse and accept his love and forgive him. The real question is what's up with her and Floyd Mayweather?

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Ugly Betty: So Long, Farewell

2010-04-15T12:34:00.001-07:00

Well, Betty is over. I'm sure the budget and ratings had a play in it (ABC moving it around to and fro surely didn't help either), but I love that they moved the show to New York. The overall look of the show improved and gave it an air of authenticity. But how much longer could one keep up the marathon of the telenovella craziness without exhausting the audience (after all, this isn't Days of Our Lives!)? Four years apparently. In her final days, Betty got a make over, a job promotion, a better opportunity in London, but what she didn't get was man. And kudos to the writers for not exactly going THERE with that Daniel is really in love with Betty storyline which I am dubbing "the little storyline that was destined to fail". Not a bad way to end things all in all. They left me feeling like Betty embarked on some better life with an opportunity to reinvent herself in the big city across the pond ala Mary Tyler Moore. Farewell, Betty. I miss you already.

Justified

2010-03-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

Timothy Olyphant how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. 1) The badassery 2) The handsomedry 3) The haberdashery. Nice to see you coming into your own. And I like any alum of The Shield. Walton Goggins poses to be a formidable foe. I look forward to your love/hate relationship dynamic. And the boundary crossing love affair sure to be had by you and Joelle Carter. And dare I say there's nothing wrong with a coal digging flash back and family drama that's sure to haunt you. I'm peaked and intrigued. I'm coming back for more. Oh Olyphant, keep acting in things I want to see.

Justified at IGN.com

Pretty Wild

2010-03-22T17:51:00.001-07:00

Who the hell are these chicks? At least I had heard of Paris and Nicki Hilton BEFORE they got shows. Their Page 6 antics were heard all the way in Chicago. But these chicks? Do you have a famous lawyer father who got someone off for murder? Is your step dad an olympic medalist? Was your grandfather and eccentric hotelier? Why should I care about you? Because you robbed some famous people? Because you parade your butt cheeks around L.A. fashion week? Call me when it's New York. Call me when your mom stops trying to teach shit from the fucking the symbol? the notebook? Damn it, you know that flaky new age universey book that chicks are always following? That one. The one that's NOT approved by the home schooling association of California. Snore. Why am I wasting my life on this show?

Jerseylicious

2010-03-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

This show is a hot ass mess. I don't know what our fascination is with flipping New Jersey. It's not another planet. It's just a state of crime and pollution. If their casinos were run by Native Americans, it would be California. Yeah, sure they should have fired the old lady who talked to much and did horrible hair, but the big haired blonde chick is no better in the personality department. I'm always leary of a chick who picks fight for no apparent reason. Needless to say, I'm not on Team Amazon. I love that boss called them into her office and was like, "Um, no. We don't fight at work." Why does that even have to be said? And the Glam Fairy? The jury is still out on this chick. She should be happy to have a protege. She shouldn't have even baulked at training someone. She should have just made it clear that training is extra and should be reflected in her fucking check. And where did these two chicks come from? Are these Jersey Shore rejects? I couldn't get through that show either, but this promises to be deliciously bitchy for no apparent reason.

Jessica Simpson's The Price of Beauty

2010-03-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

You hear Jessica Simpson's name and you're skeptical. She's had bad luck in love, stalled movie career, stalled singing career, but she's generally likeable - though because of the "chicken of the sea" comment most people think she's dumb. But that was 5 years ago and a couple of sex partners ago (she got the napalm sexual stamp of approval from John "Douchebag" Mayer). Now, she seems a little wiser (perhaps a tad broken) and maybe just maybe 35% MORE likeable. That's no easy feat.

Where Jessica did succeed was reality television and now she's back. This show explores and challenges concepts of beauty of what strides women go through all around the world in the name of beauty. It explores all (Jessica included) of our fears and insecurities. It is simultaneously entertaining and informative. People know reality programming as a form of entertainment, but it is ever evolving. And I applaud the producers of this show (and other shows like Buried Life, Made, 16 and Pregnant, My Life as Liz and Run's House just to name a few) for putting out positive role models and shedding light on teen issues. This is a good show.

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Archer

2010-02-22T14:39:00.001-08:00

If you’re not watching Archer, you’re an idiot. Archer is a 007, womanizing nitwit. Lana is his black ex-girlfriend/covert ops co-worker that is obviously the better spy (played by Aisha Tyler). If you don’t know who Aisha Tyler is, you’re retarded. She’s the black chick from Talk Soup. Yeah, the funny one … what are you talking about? The ONLY one. What other black chicks hosted Talk Soup? As Lana Kane, they give Tyler some of the best flipping lines. "Umkempt bush? My vulva is as smooth as a veal cutlet!" That line is only topped by Archer's "I want to file a sexual harassment complaint. His penis touched my penis - tip AND shaft." Whoever draws her has a hard-on for black chicks. They should play Mos Def’s “Miss Fat Booty” every time she walks in the room. I get it, you like the mochachocolata (I should trademark that word. I know you mofos are going to try and steal it). You like that café au lait swirl dontcha? It’s okay, we know. Darker the berry, the sweeter the juice and all that. Gon boy, get your Gabrielle Aubrey on. Jessica Walter (Arrested Development) has the subversive mother role on lock! Having Judy Greer play the slutty dingy inappropriate secretary is inspired casting. You know H. Jon Benjamin as the coach from Home Movies, but I really think he gets to spread his wings as Archer. And having Chris Parnell be the wood swinging (read: big penis having) Cyril Figgis comptroller at large/suit wearing stiff/Lana Kane’s new boyfriend just ads layer upon layer to this show. And why won’t they leave big boned Pam alone? She just wants a little Lana love. Don’t we all?

Get your flipping DVR remote out and program this sucker in. While you’re at it, delete Desperate Housewives, that show is deader than dead. And change your delete settings to “I’ll delete when I’m good and goddamn ready” cause you’ll watch the episodes over and over and over again. And you might as well watch ‘em live too. You say you’re not going to watch them, that you’re just gonna watch this ONE part and bam! episode’s over. Thirty minutes gone. Smile plastered all across your stupid face, one satisfied customer. Sure you feel a little dirty inside, a little racist, a little misogynist, a lot turned on and mischievous, but YOU ARE all those things you little poser. And you’ve just been outed. Welcome to the darkside. Let your fucking freak flag fly. Paint FX on that motherfucker. You’ve just been converted. You’re guzzling the kool-aid. Who needs HBO and Showtime when you get FX for free? Shut up, basic cable is free. If you don’t have cable you’re a fucking Mormon. Think of that fee as a life fee, like paying to breathe.

Nip/Tuck

2010-02-20T14:39:00.001-08:00

Dear Nip/Tuck:

Die already. You've jumped so far past the shark you're on Neptune. I get it. Your father has abandoned you to write that dreadful Glee (don't even get me started on how I am NOT drinking the kool-aid on that one!) and has left you to fester and die. Go ahead then. Fall on your sword. Take the honorable way out, don't make us watch you out of some misplaced loyalty in remembrance of how you used to be excellent. Tis no more. You've been sick for a long time. You had a good run, a good life. Now make room for more episodes of Rescue Me and Sons of Anarchy -- you know, show's that still got it. Now, get on with it. We will speak highly of you at your funeral. We'll only talk about the good ole days before we knew for certain that Matt was Christian's son and when you fed drug dealers to the crocodiles. We won't speak of the move to LA and Cagney ... or was it Lacey trying to make Sean into a teddy bear. We'll think of Matt as still cute, Christian as still young and Sean still sane not yet broken. We'll think of Julia before she was a bore and a nag. "Remember when FX used to give Nip/Tuck those kick ass event promos," we'll say with a smile and a hint of glee in our eyes ... no, not that type of glee. We won't speak of lobster hands and bald teenaged daughters with pica. In our dream world, Liz is always a lesbian, Wilbur is more than a footnote and Kimber, well, lets just say she lasted 2 seasons tops and didn't sleep with Matt or Sean ... skank whore. This is the way we shall remember Nip/Tuck - solid and pure. We won't speak ill of the dead. Now, die already.

xoxo

The Viewers

Model City

2010-02-20T13:39:00.000-08:00

It's not all about being bitchy like ANTM and its not boring and irrelevant like Models of the Runway, or all old like She's Got the Look and its not all battle of the sexes like Make Me a Supermodel. Model City is about male models in the city. It's about dudes that are already models, not people trying to make it. It's not a contest show. It's a reality lifestyle show ala Kell on Earth or anything Sean Patterson has been on. And its hot. The dudes are hot, their handlers are hot, the CEOs are hot, the dudes they scout are hot, the photographers are hot, the boom operator is hot, the guy that makes the cheese for craft services is hot ... lol, you get the point. And amongst all that hotness is a whopping dollop of testosterone and competition. Not fake reality show competition, more like this is my livelihood and I want this job more and I'm going to outshine you competition. And its fascinating. Oh yeah, there's a hot chick thrown in here or there for all you heteromales. But really you need to tune in to see if your swagger measures up. If your game is tight, or you just think it is. If you're beautiful enough to be a model. If there is an option out there for you beyond rapping and playing ball. Still mad that the FINEST dude on the show (Zeric) is gay. He could give two shits what you think about it, too. His swagger is THAT tight. I hope Centric TV cranks out more quality shows. This one is a winner.

Celebrity Fit Club: Bootcamp 7

2010-02-18T14:18:00.000-08:00

Let’s point out the elephant in the room. Shar Jackson and Kevin Federline are on the same show and Britney Spears is nowhere to be found and this isn’t CourtTV. They didn’t even know they were going to be on the same show with each other and they barely even acknowledge the other’s presence though when the speak of their weight issues and their trials and tribulations about life, they are CLEARLY talking about and/or including each other. It is simultaneously excruciating and wonderful to watch. This is rare fly on the wall territory. It is quite clear that neither is pandering to or exploiting the cameras. They’re aren’t seeking fame in that Tila Tequila way. That heffa wishes she could buy that sort of publicity that seems to have broken Jackson and Federline. They seem to be on the show to of course battle their weight issues, but also to battle the public’s perception of them – to challenge what you think you know. Federline is showing what we already gathered over the last few years, that apparently he’s the sane one and Britney is bat shit crazy. But the real star is Shar. What did we know of her before? Absolutely nothing. She starred on Moesha … okay. And? Did anyone even know she had kids before this whole fiasco? Nope. I’m sure white people didn’t even know who she was. This seems to have just happened to her through no real fault of her own. That has to suck major monkey balls. Oh yeah, there are some other people on the show. They may or may not be interesting. That Bad Girls chick is a drama queen that’s full of excuses. Bobby Brown has a drinking/fried chicken problem. Anyone else wondering why they have booze and fried foods at fat camp? Television I tell ya. Sebastian Bach is a narcissist, shocker I know, but he’s the harmless kind. Apparently, Nicole Eckert is a little al-chy-ho-lic – empty calories. Empty calories. And Jay from Project Runway is sweet as pie – literally and figuratively. And thank the lord for small favors Dustin Diamond and his dirty sanchez are nowhere to be found.

Buried Life

2010-02-18T13:27:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I only started watching this show because I wanted to see white boys krumping. See, now you want to watch, too. This show is like the Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson movie without all the old people stuff. It’s the Bucket List meets Pay it Forward meets youth. It’s thoroughly watchable, you’re not going to feel guilty for watching it and you won’t feel pandered to and dipped in sugar like you would watching that “move that bus” show or that I’m adopted show. Look at MTV trying to give the youths (you have to say it in the Joe Pesci voice) some intelligent programming.

Better Off Ted - One Last Chance

2010-02-18T12:25:00.000-08:00

This is the best show on television that you aren’t watching. There are only so many chances the network is going to give this genius show before pulling it off the air so get your shit together VIEWER. There aren’t any shows on television that attack the machine that is corporate America like Ted now that Conan is no longer on the air. It’s not like The Office, its like Office Space. Yeah, that gem of a film starring Rory Cochran … sorry I meant uh Ron Livingston. Tell me they don’t look alike. Anyway, where else are you going to see Portia de Rossi vie for queen bitch of the bagel/air conditioning vent toss? Or a corporation so against admitting they’re wrong, they won’t correct a memo that basically gives everyone permission to cuss each other out. Or to save on energy, installing a photosensitive light switch that senses when people enter the room … white people. This show’s so wrong its RIGHT! Get on board people. Save a good show for a change. Meanwhile, Til Death is still on the air boring people to fucking death. Cue Puff Daddy & Faith Evans to play me out.

RuPaul's Drag Race: Season 2

2010-02-18T11:43:00.000-08:00

There aren’t as many alpha bitches this season as last. There are a lot of Beta Bitches. Bitches that reek havoc only when provoked. Well, except Miss Tyra. That chick is a selfish bitch for no reason. Who goes to sleep instead of helping her team? That’s just comedy. And who makes the Puerto Rican with the thick accent the Crispy Critter ghetto chicken in the commercial? Mystique. Honey, your makeup and hair are fab, but your clothes are a fucking mess. You need to show folk big bitches know how to get down. You need to call Monique and see what’s what. And I keep forgetting that you’re a dude – I mean that as a complement. I didn’t know Kathy Najimy could be so bitchy. And Merle (Launch My Line) is forgettable on this show. They need to swap her out for resident fag hag Kathy Griffin. Punch it up. Ru’s still showing all those bitches up as always. They’ll never measure up (much like Top Model’s and Tyra Banks – a Ru doppelganger if I ever saw one).

Kell on Earth

2010-02-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

Something’s telling me Stephanie Voorhies days are numbered. One wonders how she’s lasted this long. She’s clearly an idiot and she isn’t hiding it very well. The girl can’t even stamp mail. She’s lazier than me in front of a staircase. The real question is once she’s gone, who will take the place of the common enemy. What’s his face with the Cher hair, the asymmetrical top and the tufts of chest hair? The mousy one with the whiny competence? The gay hairdresser (what an oxymoron that is in opposite land)? The bitchy boss in training? Fuck you, you don't know any of their names either. What if they got mad at Kell? Yeah right. That chick can unleash some wrath. And what about her baby daddy? How’d she land such a hot piece of ass candy? Kell isn’t exactly beautiful on the outside. Money and power are attractive on any gender. Work it bitch. Work that shit on out.

Sheer Genius

2010-02-18T10:39:00.000-08:00

Camila Alves is a nice hot piece of eye candy, but I can’t understand a flipping word she’s saying. Blah, blah, blah I’m from Brazil, blah blah, blah I screw Matthew McConnaughey for a living. Sure, sure lady. What qualifies you for this job besides getting your hair done and being younger than Jacklyn Smith? How dare they fire a Charlie's Angel for being hot and old. Jonathan Anton is back after his failed show, honestly his show was better than this one - more interesting, more controversial. But I’ll take anything that spawns talent like Tabatha Coffey, but I’m going to need them to step up the bitch factor. It’s pretty tame thus far, and I’m not really impressed by the hair. Drag Race has better hair weavery going on. It’s anyone’s game.

The Grammys

2010-02-01T13:40:00.000-08:00

Did Gaga win ANY awards -- you know, that were televised? I guess everyone's not feeling the bi-pokerface and the fabulous outfits. No one gives awards for showmanship anymore??? Yeah, I watched the Grammys via fastforward on my DVR -- and what? I don't have 3.5 hours of my life to kill on the flipping Grammys.

Beyonce did a very nice performance of the WRONG fucking song. And why was she channeling Alanis Morrisette? I mean she rocked it, but I was sooo very confused. ANYTHING off that album BUT that song would have been nice, even the vapid "Halo" for which she won an award for, for which I STILL believe Pussycat Dolls' "Halo" is a much better song.

Pink is still wowing with her vocal prowess and her fetish for the damn circus. She really could retire to Cirque du Soleil. I don't understand why she had to baptise herself and/or the audience though. As a black woman with a fresh hairdo for the event, I would have been less than pleased to get sprayed by water. And that beautiful fleshed colored bejeweled/ribboned number looked less than stellar when wet. How many more Britney Spears lipsynching performances do Australians have to suffer through before that heifer hires Pink and Beyonce's vocal coach/personal trainer to whip her lazy ass into shape? Can you spin around in the air and hold a note AND not fall Ms. Spears? Can you run around in stilettos (last time I checked Brit was still doing shows in sneakers ala the now lazy Janet Jackson) sprint a marathon, sing live AND on key like Mrs. Carter? I didn't think so.

And who are these country boys that won Best New Artist? I don't know, but good for them because no one else in that category was even remotely interesting (yes, I'm talking about you Keri Hilson). Perhaps they are saving Ke$ha and Drizzy Drake for next year. What's up with Eminem's hand? Does it have whip lash from playing too much DJ Hero or is it sufferin

g from Parkinsons? Nice to see they dusted off Celine Dion for a performance. That heffa can still sing, didn't do crack, isn't on anti-depressants (that we know of) and didn't have her Svengali husband drive her crazy (yes, I'm talking about you Whitney and Mariah). They need to troll her out more often to show these young divas (Jennifer Hudson and very moxy Carrie Underwood, gone girl, show them country girls can get down) how they need to be in 20 years. The Michael Jackson tribute was fitting if a little late, but you its not the Grammy's fault that Michael didn't die before last years broadcast. Usher held it down and JenHud put a little stank on it. That's one of my favorite Michael songs. I applaud the song choice.

And I'm not saying that Beyonce didn't deserve to win a lot of those awards, but there is no way in hell or any alternate universe that "Halo" is a better song than Adele's "Hometown Glory" - which they should have asked her to perform live and shut the fucking house down frankly. They could have played some Haiti images in the background, make it current and relevant. Show them what a REAL singer sounds like.

Maxwell played the role of Donny Hathaway (sans schizophrenia) nicely, though Roberta Flack seems to be a smoker ... or does part-time work at the local coal mine. And what's up with Taylor Swift winning best album? Huh? What? I mean the competition wasn't all that fierce - I will never be voting for Black Eyed Peas to win anything other than most commercial, mainstream, non-threatening, broad, vanilla faux hip-hop group of all fucking time - and I do not mean that as a complement though I'm sure will.i.am's ego will take it as such. Sure, Beyonce has some good hits on Sasha Fierce, but for best ALBUM, I want all the songs to be good.

I think my friend @BKNY4evr is right. It should have gone to Gaga. How many songs about you not getting the guy, maybe getting the guy, getting the guy, being a princess can one sane person listen to before gouging their goddamn eyes out? I get it Swift, you're cute and blonde and likable. You're blonde Bambi. Call me crazy but I like my music with an air of danger, with some sea salt on it not saccharin, with a little stank ... some life experience, soul. Give me some "I used to be homeless and live in a van" like Jewel or some "I got dumped by Joey from Full House" like Alanis or every boyfriend I've had before this current one was a cheater ala Carrie Underwood. What does Swift have? Oh yeah, she got dumped by the hot Jonas ... ok, ok. What else? A fling with TayLaut (who I personally would have put that THANG on, but hey, if the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there). Yeah, I don't know why. I still don't want to listen to any of her music. She just doesn't speak to me.

And what was up with all the Jay-Z cutaways? Who is he Sinatra? They gave him the best seat in the house lest his wife has to get Sasha Fierce on someone's ass. Nice to see that he won for "Run this Town." Kanye apparently still absent and in the care of some life-coach/therapist I'm presuming - though Jay-Z, Rihanna (and I'm assuming Beyonce) still vocally support him -- nice to see that the mere mention of his name no longer elicits boos. Chris Brown wasn't even getting that kind of treatment. The fucking public - their taste or lack there of knows no bounds. Anyway, who knows what this year will bring. More shenanigans from Ke$ha, more G-rated Jason Beber fare, pants-less Gaga, Wayne's stalled "rock" album, Drake going country -- talk about crossover ??? All of the above.

Decisions, Decisons

2010-01-16T11:34:00.000-08:00

Two corporate goof-offs pass time by fantasizing about ridiculous either/or situations (i.e. would you rather have to shower with Dikembe Mutombo OR have your bodily fluids come out looking like purple gatorade; would you rather go through life as the Tin Man OR live every moment of your life with a studio audience; would you rather have to substitute the word football for masturbation OR relive all of your drunken moments). They show all of these scenarios with hilarious results. This is what a web show should be: weird, absurd, entertaining, short and something you wouldn't see on regular TV. A concept that's original enough for you to take time off catching up on music videos on youtube, but an idea not developed enough or big enough to be able to sustain a whole 22 minute sitcom. This fits the bill. Of course this is a Crackle.com show -- though you can see it on Hulu -- which means slick production and carries a certain quality of content. I'm sure that has nothing to do with the fact that Crackle is owned by Sony. Yeah, that Sony. There isn't another one. The dude that makes your stereo makes your movies and your rapper's CDs. That Sony.

The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien

2010-01-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

Oh, how sad that Jay Leno is taking his show back from Conan O'Brien after his own show failed and got cancelled (which I predicted in August!). Leno is getting lampooned in the press for it, and probably deserves it along with a few choice NBC executives. Remember when NBC used to be the top network? When Thursday night was "Must See TV" for like .. 20 years? Man, when they fall off, they fall all the way off. Check out these series of clips of folks lampooning Leno's decision to go back to The Tonight Show. Join the Captain O'Captain movement to honor O'Brien at the last show (ala Dead Poets Society) and the rally on Monday at the Universal lot. All proceeds go to the Haiti relief efforts.

Fantasia For Real

2010-01-12T14:58:00.000-08:00

Yeah, its another celebrity with another reality show, but you like Fantasia. She's real and funny and unlike those other hacks, she has talent. So, why isn't she more successful? Well, here's a glimpse why. She's supporting her freeloading family. The daughter is a given. I'll even give you the mama and the little brother, but the big brother (28) with delusions of granduer and no job??? You need to cut his ass off. This show is sure to be wracked with strife (ala Keisha Cole's The Way it Is), but hopefully sans the uber-ghetto crack head storyline. Check it on VH1.

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Tabatha's Salon Takeover

2010-01-11T16:16:00.000-08:00

The season finale is this week and Tabatha promised me via Twitter it was going to be a doozy. Crazier than the British tyrant? The gay salon with the no vagina clientele? The Amish no-it-all? Yep. Tabatha is a lot like my sister - a bossy no-it-all who gives really good advice that no one wants to listen to until its almost too late. She's right people. Suck it up and move on.

Let's Talk About Pep

2010-01-11T16:06:00.000-08:00

Let's shall we. Salt from Salt-n-Pepa (Cheryl Wray nee James) apparently decided NOT to re-up for another season of their show, so Pepa aka Sandy Denton got a spin off. She's the spicier of the two anyone since Salt seems to have learned her leason the first go around on the fame merry-go. Pepa was not so fortunate. Fortunately for us voyeristic public. This seams to be a dating/slice of life show. Apparently, Ms. Pepa hasn't had sex for 4 years. I don't think I've had that bad of a drought in my entire sex career. I'm sure it's self inflicted. There are several questions that are raised by the previews. 1) Why do your toes taste like meatloaf? 2) Why is ole dude's hair on fire? lmao Seriously, the real question is why the bad nose job, there was nothing wrong with your face. Insecurities - death of us all. And where you get all this attractive black non-catty female friends from? Am I going to watch this show? Of course I am. It looks freaking funny.

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Celebrity Rehab 3

2010-01-11T15:38:00.000-08:00

What???? They've got real celebrities on here. Dennis Rodman who is obviously in denial about his substance abuse problem. Have you read his autobiography? He's got a text book family history for substance abuse. Tom Sizemore who quite honestly could have been on the road to Oscar (and still can if he pulls a Robert Downey Jr.) and his ex-love/arch nemesis Heidi Fleiss. What is up with the poor woman's lips? And why does she like the cheap stuff? Crack, meth? She obviously does not subscribe to the Whitney Houston school of drug addiction. That hot dude from Real World Hollywood, Joey Kovar. One Day at a Time chick, Mackenzie Phillips (pre-bombshell-i slept with my dad voluntarily-memoir). Too bad they could'T get Valerie Bertinelli, too, and have a reunion. Would that conflict with her Jenny Craig contract? You have to have your resident rocker - Mike Starr (Alice in Chains) - who will probably me the most volatile. Sex Rehab alum, Kari Anne Peniche - who surprise, surprise to no one is a crackhead. Let's see if she behaves and lets hope she doesn't inspire the staff to yonk her ass once more thus getting themselves fired. Let's throw in a country star - Mindy McCready - who isn't a stranger to a fist or a jail cell, and a model Lisa D’Amato (America's Next Top Model) who may also be a little touched in the head if you ask me.

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Glee

2010-01-11T13:47:00.000-08:00

I have officially stopped watching this show. Like Moulin Rouge, it's just a little too flaming song and dance for me. I can't stand Rachel (Lea Michele), she's hideous and annoying. The storylines are too ABC Family sacarin sweet and I don't give two shits about ANY of the characters. Maybe if it had more edge. Maybe if it was on FX like it was supposed to be, maybe if pigs flew I would like this show. Why it took me 10 episodes to break up with it, I don't know.

Men of a Certain Age

2010-01-11T13:23:00.000-08:00

Old men, discuss being old. TNT is batting about 50% with me as apposted to USA, VH1 and TBS's 90% on good original programming. No matter how hard I try, I just can't watch Leverage or whatever the law show is that stars Zack from Saved by the Bell. Anyway, I gave this show a fair shake and it just isn't happening. I can't watch the dying Nip/Tuck, my reruns of Living Single AND this. There are only so many hours in the day. It's just not interesting to me. I watched all of the stars other shows. Who didn't watch Andrew Braugher in Homocide (still the best cop show ever if you ask me, next to The Wire), Ray Romano in Everybody Love's Raymond (even if you only watched it with your grandma it still counts) and Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap (or Murphy Brown, hell Chuck for that matter). But you can't pay me to watch this. Maybe I need a penis to care ... or brain death.

Life Unexpected

2010-01-11T13:08:00.001-08:00

Sheri Appleby's long lost adopted love child comes to find her and the highschool sweetheart ... I mean one night stand that knocked her up. "Juno meets Gilmore Girls"???? Okay TV Guide, I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, I'm sure its quippy and pithy and blah blah blah, but is the acting good? Sheri Appleby a mom? I know she's old enough, but she doesn't quite look it. What do you mean Roswell was 11 years ago? OMG, seriously? Are you trying to call me old? And when does the hotness that is Max aka Jason Behr get his own new show? Maybe he and Matt Dallas (Kyle XY) can team up as brothers ala (Supernatural's Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, he'll always be from Days of Our Lives to me) and we can get a two for one special on hotness. And the kid, it really hangs on the kid. Who is this Brittany Robertson and what does she know about unexpected life anyways??? Nothing! Nothing, I tell ya! And why is she blonde? And what cat dragged in Kerr Smith (Dawson's Creek) and his wooden acting? Well, I'm going to give this show a chance, but I don't know how fair I'll be about it.

Tough Love 2

2010-01-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I only saw like 2 episodes of Tough Love 1 and I wasn't that impressed. Partly because they were middle episodes and partly because there were 2 other matchmaker shows out thus flooding the genre. But, Tough Love is misunderstood. Unlike Millionaire Matchmaker, Tough Love is about fixing different types of women and preparing them to be their best selfs for a new mate. Millionaire is alot about Patty Stanger breaking the men like wild stallions and making them behave. Tough Love is more of a self help guide to the desperate/broken female. It's the opposite of He's Not That Into You. If this was a book, it'd be "How to Get Him to be Into You." It's entertaining because these women have varying degrees of fucked up-ness, and you can see a little of yourself in all of them. It's a free course to deter that behavior. Though I have NEVER sent a guy the friend-zone vibe that I didn't actually want to go there. That I can not even try to understand. It helps that the guy that barks at them (Steven Ward) to behave is quite hot and dateable though I suspect he's a workaholic. Such is life.

Frank the Entertainer: A Basement Affair

2010-01-10T16:56:00.000-08:00

I Love New York reject Frank the Entertainer has his own show with his own bevy of beauties, but instead of a posh mansion that is standard VH1 fare, he gets to experience this from his parents basement where he actually lives. If you remember New York aka Tiffany Pollard and her chain smoking dragzilla of a mother called Frank's mother a porcupine. Well, she traded in that awful haircut, but didn't trade in that outspoken mouth. So, this season will surely be entertaining. Five seconds in, she hates one chick already. Of course, Frank doesn't agree and cuts the fame seeker first instead. Don't worry ma, she deserved it.

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Chuck: Season 3

2010-01-10T16:45:00.000-08:00

So, the peacock brought Chuck bad for more. I like this show, but I hope they didn't shake it up too much. Chuck's archnemesis turned guardian angel got his own show on USA ... you might have heard of it, it's called White Collar and a couple of magazine's named it the best new show of the fall ... that was including network shows. I hope they can still manage to snag him for some guest spots, though. His character was so central to the overall story arc AND Matthew Bomer is so darn cute. I hope they pimp out Chuck some more and he starts to shed his dorky persona (not completely, but upgrade the guy) ala Ugly Betty. And turn the man into a real damn spy will ya?

Snapped

2010-01-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wanted to kill someone? No? Let's say a drunk driver plowed into your mother. How about now? No? Let's say you walked in on your husband banging your daughter ... your son. How about now? Let's say someone beat the shit out of you every day for 10 years. How about now? No? What are you a nun? Jesus? How much money would it take for you to want someone dead? 20K? 100k? 1M? 3? So, you think men are on the only rageful beasts walking the land, eh? I've got some ladies I want to introduce you to.

Hoarders

2010-01-10T16:14:00.000-08:00

This is one of those shows I had to muster up the courage to watch. It can be painful to look into the mind of the crazy and trust me these folks are nuts. This isn't a bad case of pack-ratism. This is no "Who wants a Clean House?" This is way past that, its to the extreme. Folks who have 75 cats and folks who hoard perishable food and folks who "collect" collectibles until the point of bankruptcy. This is hard core. Has the junk in your house ever caused you to have bed bugs and sleep outside ... when you have a house? You're homeless with a house... does that make sense to you? Me either.

Psychic Kids

2010-01-05T21:14:00.000-08:00

Like many things in life, nothing truly seems real to me unless it happens to a black person. I'm just kidding. All joking aside, this show is freaking creapy and much more real and believable than say Psychic Detectives. These are real life Haley Joel Osmets and these little bastards are scared. Dead people are trying to hang out and/or send messages to their relatives. And as scary as it sounds, it sounds even more annoying. Who wants to be bothered by dead people? And when the old psychic asks the ghost that if he's trying to talk to them to move the door and the door moves, that's just wrong. It's like hogwarts for psychics. The old psychic teaches the young ones how not to be scared. It's just like that Kevin Bacon movie where is little boy has a big light and his has a flickering one, you know with the chick from Law & Order: Criminal Intent ... damn what's that movie. Fucking Kevin Bacon. Check it out on A&E.

RuPaul's Drag Race

2010-01-05T21:02:00.001-08:00

OMG, I found this gem on Logo. I'm starting to believe that Tyra Banks owes her entire adult career to Rupaul. This shows a conglomerate of shows. Okay, you have a little bit of ANTM, Project Runway (oh, yeah, its biting off Heidi, too AND as a judge is Project Runway runner up Santino!) and finally American Idol/So, You Think You can Dance. Lol. Wtf? The bottom two divas have to "lip sync for their lives." Rupaul doubles as Tyra Banks AND Tim Gun. She shows up as her male self for the outfit construction and mentors the girls, but shows up in full Rupaul gear for judging much like Tyra. Rupaul even does a little Heidi Klum impersonation for his kiss off, trading in an auf vidersen for a "Shashay ... away" and imitates Tim Gunn, but instead of "make it work", Rupaul gets gutter and says "don't fuck it up." LMAO! I shit you not. This show really exists.

You watch full episodes on Logo.

http://www.logoonline.com/shows/rupauls_drag_race/season_1/series.html

Secrets of Aspen

2010-01-05T12:20:00.001-08:00

Honey, it doesn't get any trashier than this. VH1 is really trying to rival Bravo's Real Housewives series with this one w/o the housewives ... or the old people trying to look 27. I'm not going to pretend to know any of their names. I'm just going to call them by their caricatures. Hooker Barbie is a big lipped, fake boobed raven beauty. She's got a body any black man would love, but waists it on young, white jail bait at least 10-15 years her junior. She also rocks a Cindy Crawford mole and wild case of crazy brain. She's got a reluctant protege that wants to break free of her. We'll call her Malibu Stacy. Malibu Stacy knows that Hooker Barbie is bat shit and doesn't want anything to do with her because Aspen is a small town -- a small very very uber-riche town. A town of scant men and judgmental women. Malibu Stacy doesn't want her friends to know that she's friends with bitchy maneating Hooker Barbie. So, she tries to give her the ole brush off. Besides Hooker Barbie, we have Ellie Mae. Ellie Mae is a blonde beauty yet kind of a bumpkin. She befriends Hooker Barbie and gets mad when she tries to steal a man from her. She's Hooker Barbie! Hooker Barbie steals the young man and does him in the bathroom, claiming "I won." Won what? The clap? You gotta check this show out.

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Bank of Hollywood

2010-01-05T11:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, so a panel of four judges wants to fund you dreams ... as long as your dreams aren't stupid. Who are these people you ask Vanessa Rousso (a pro poker player), Candy Spelling (Tori Spellings scrooge of a mom/Aaron Spelling's sole beneficiary, Melody Thornton (a pussycat doll/the only doll other than Nicole Scherzinger that can sing) and Sean Patterson (owner of Wilhelmina Modeling agency). This show shouldn't work, but it does. I like all of the judges, and even though Vanessa and Melody are prone to an occasional tear, all of the judge's judgment is usually sound. You've seen Sean before on The Agency, You've Got the Look and this past season of America's Next Top Model (ANTM). The show is hosted by Bryan Callen who is a comedian, but he's quite forgettable and bland. I really don't even think they need him. Hate to say it, but he's no Ryan Seacrest. Some of the contestants on the show are indeed worthy and others are certifiably coo-coo for cocoa puffs. Sean took one look at the "Ha Ha Yogi" Indian yoga instructor, immediately said "no" before he even pleaded his case and took off to the bathroom. A 17-year-old paraplegic wanted 90K to build a pool to help him walk again - and they gave it to him. It's not only why you're asking, but how much you're asking for and if they think the money is actually going to that cause or if you're padding it for other things. It's actually quite entertaining AND moving. Check it out.

Boondocks

2009-12-05T18:40:00.000-08:00

I was so very against this show initially because I loved the serialized strip from the newspaper sooo much and the show just couldn't be AS topical because of production, etc. I also hated that Regina King was doing both voices and she can never compare to the voices of the characters in my head much like Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner will never compare to my fantastical brain's envisioning of Edward and Jacob (though Taylor comes much, much closer) but I digress. I have since applauded Regina King for her turn in Southland, but I still have some hesitation with her voiceover work. I mean she's no Nancy Cartwright. But the writing is still there. When Uncle Ruckus turns "preacher" and goes around telling his neighbors that black people can get into "white heaven" if they renounce being black, that shit is hilarious. When Granddad asks Uncle Ruckus if he's a jehovah witness (after Uncle Ruckus shows up on his doorstep with a bible, a grin and an uncharacteristically pleasant demeanor) because he is currently in the "jehovah witness protection program," you have to bow down to Aaron McGruder's genius. Catch episodes on Cartoon Network.

The Dresden Files

2009-12-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

This was a SciFi show before it became SyFy. It introduced America to the lovely Paul Blackthorne, though you may remember him as Dylan McDermott's nemesis on Big Shots or Brooke Sheilds' husband on Lipstick Jungle. True fans know him from The Dresden Files. Think the dude version of Charmed with better dialogue. You can find all episodes on Hulu. I love this site. You remember when hulu was invite only way back when it was beta? No? Just me? Okay. This dude needs his own show. He's no second banana.

Scrubs: Reinvisioned

2009-12-05T15:54:00.000-08:00

How many chances is this show going to get? Temporarily cancelled. Switched networks, and now completely revamped. Well, guess they'll keep it around until its not funny anymore. And it still is. I hope it doesn't turn into I Love Lucy, the Hollywood years. It won't. I'm already quoting lines. "I'm grading everyone in this class by the color of their skin. If you're white, raise your hands. F!" Turk. That's just fricking funny.

White Collar

2009-12-05T09:40:00.000-08:00

I love USA. They have found a niche and have exploited the hell out of it. Their shows are about being either on the right side or the wrong side of the law. Their characters have some quirky idiosyncrasy that plays funny. The episodes are smart and interesting. They're not your standard CSI, Law and Order, Bones fare. It all started with Monk (which concludes the series this week **sniff sniff** Don't fret, they have a beavy of shows to replace it), and now they have Psych, Burn Notice, In Plain Sight (my least favorite) and Royal Pains. Their new breakout hit is White Collar starring hot Chuck alum, Matthew Bomer and Tim DeKay (Carnivale). I like my con-men to be sexy and my outlaws to be friendly with the law. I like the lines to be blurred. I hope they re-up this series for more than 8 episodes next season.

Gilmore Girls

2009-12-03T16:55:00.000-08:00

Despite the fact that Lauren Graham called the extras cockroaches and @daxshepard chastizing me for stating so on Twitter (that last bit makes me teehee), I love the Gilmore Girls still and forever. Its okay, Lauren, everybody is allowed to have a bad day. Amy Sherman (drop the Paladrino) will always be one of my heroes for the snazzy, snarky, over the top, pop culture abundant dialogue. She is a true linguist. I can't fault her for the man candy either. Milo Ventimiglia (Heroes), Jared Padalecki (Supernatural) and Matt Czuchry (I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell) all owe their start to kissing Rory's (Alexis Bledel, Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants) sweet, sweet lips. Lorelai didn't do too bad herself with Luke (Scott Patterson, Aliens in America), Christopher (David Sutcliffe, Private Practice) and hot Max (Scott Cohen, Wolf from The 10th Kingdom). Suki, Lane, dirty Miss Patty and Michel will always be my pals if only in my head. And I want to give a TVlicious whatup to Todd Lowe who graduated from Gilmore Girls (Lane's contrary boyfriend) to become Terry Bellefluer on True Blood. He really shines in Season 2. Keep up the good work.

Miami Social

2009-12-03T14:33:00.000-08:00

I love this show, even in reruns. I like a good trashy reality show about nothing with good looking gay/hetero mix. I don't need a contest to win a job or a million dollars or Ray J's love (YUCK, who the fuck wants that? I need a HPV vaccine, a viral count and some Valtrex just thinking about that show). This show is like the reality verion of Friends except the people are more interesting, have better jobs and wardrobes, are hotter and have crazier girlfriends. Where do I sign up?

Misfits

2009-11-27T10:23:00.000-08:00

Awesome new show from E4, the network that brought you Skins. Five juvenile delinquents are struck in a thunderstorm and given special powers. Bonded by a dirty little secret or two, its them against the residents of their town who also seem to be weirdly and adversely affected by this mythical storm. Consider this to be the tongue in cheek, realist version of Heroes without the constrictions of American televisions' big brother, Standards and Practices.

I threw this in for fun. Its Jem and the Misfits music video.

Modern Family

2009-11-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

Modern Family is one of the mocku-sitcoms that usually doesn't last (think Arrested Development / Sons and Daughters), but this one seems to be catching on. It centers around three families one "Normal" Family, one gay male couple that has adopted and one second marriage with a step son. All of these families are related and dysfunctional and funny. Check out Sofia Vergara as Ed O'Neill's Colombian sexpot second wife and Ty Burrell (Back to You, Out of Practice) as a dad who misguidedly thinks he's down with his kids. But its Eric Stonestreet (CSI) and Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Do Not Disturb, The Class) who steal the show as a gay couple with an adopted Chinese child of which the former dresses up as Diana Ross "The RCA years." Genius.

Curb Your Enthusiasm : Season 7

2009-11-24T13:48:00.000-08:00

I started back watching this show just in time for the Seinfeld non-reunion. Larry David is completely insane. Who else would write jokes about a 9-year-old girls "pussy" problems, a black man trying to pass as a Jew, trying to break up with your cancer riddled wife (dare I say John Edwards style), cursing out lemonade swindling elementary schoolers and trying to convince your friends wife that you wear panties. This dude has issues and according to Ted Danson, in real life, Larry David is much worse. Lord have mercy on us all.

Castle: Season 2

2009-11-24T13:35:00.001-08:00

This show is so awful, I am unsure why it is still on the air. A crime novelist pairs with a lady cop, Stana Katic (the wooden Canadian actress from Quantum of Solace is a Mariska Hargitay knock off, if there ever were such a thing) and mild hijinks ensue. Yawn. It sucks because I love Nathan Fillion from Firefly/Serenity depending on wether you remember the TV show or the movie. This show is also a waste of Tamala Jones' time. How/why they made the chick from Booty Call so goddamn matronly is beyond me.

Cougartown

2009-10-16T12:37:00.000-07:00

This show is so stupid funny. It is unabashedly about getting laid - about CHICKS getting laid, chicks of varying ages to hilarious and neurotic ends. Its about the insecurities and labidos of women. It's nice to see Courtney Cox survive a drama series like Dirt -- which had the edge but not apparently the ratings and go back to her comedy roots. I still miss Dirt a little bit though. But this has hot young nubile dudes. I'm on board. You've got the white kid from Aliens in America, Dan Byrd; the hot dad from John From Cincinnati, Brian Van Holt; the bitch from Freaks & Geeks, Busy Phillips; the other bitch from Scrubs, Christa Miller; Kate Walsh's sexy hunky married dr. boyfriend with the pregnant wife on Private Practice/the cuckhold husband on Swingtown/the anchor and Rebecca Romijn's love interest on Pepper Dennis (which also spawned Lindsey Price), Josh Hopkins rounding out the cast. I hope this stays around at least 3 seasons.

Bored to Death

2009-09-10T15:03:00.001-07:00

Okay, I won't say that I was bored to death watching this show screen, but I will say 2 things: 1) The cast is wonderful 2) TV show screenings are weird. Why on earth would I want to watch a TV show with like 300 other people? Why? It's not like a movie where I need the shared experience. TV watching is more personal and intimate. I don't want to know what you find funny. I barely want to know what my mom and my boyfriend find funny. I truly only care about what I find funny. I'm interested to see this show in the privacy of my own home without 300+ people breathing through the soundtrack. Ted Danson is hilarious. I hope we get at least 3 seasons of him stretching his wings and playing this character. Zack Galifianakis is always a delight and Jason Schwartzman inherent acting style will play quite well in quirky weird situations. Everytime I look back on a show that I love, I quite often find the best shows have awful pilot episodes that I thought at one time were stellar. Cheers to Bored to Death finding its stride.

Brick City

2009-08-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

Think Baltimore is bad (ok, well it really truly is). Check out Brick City on the Sundance Channel. Mayor is having all types of meltdowns trying to get his city back into shape. Inspiring and uplifting, Forrest Whitaker executive produces. Tune in September 21.

Community

2009-08-25T13:42:00.000-07:00

This actually looks funny. From the writers of the Sarah Silverman program and the directors of Arrested Development, this show is about misfits at a community college go join a fake Spanish study group. All hail Chevy Chase Caddy Shacking it up. And Joel McHale as the captain of this sinking ship. It will not be politically correct, but it will be funny and very well shot.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

2009-08-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

I love this guy. He's from the now unjustly defunct New Amsterdam, they tried to turn his 2hour failed pilot Virtuality into a movie without any explanation. And now he's going to be on HBO's new period show A Game of Thrones. We have not seen the last of this guy. I have an eye for talent and longevity and I'm betting on this horse.

New Amsterdam

Spartacus: Blood and Sand

2009-08-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

This is like 300 meets Rome meets Gladiator. It stars Peter Mensah (think Taye Diggs with pretty eyes), Nick Tarabay (Crash) and hot New Zealand import Manu Bennett. Awesome, hotness and gore. Go Starz Go!

Mercy

2009-07-31T17:10:00.000-07:00

What's up with all the nurse shows? This show is like Nurse Jackie if it were censored by network standards and practices. Thankfully it doesn't look as bad as Hawthorne. It's got some actor's that I like (like Anne Heche's Men in Trees co-star/husband) and Guillermo from Weeds. What's up with "Sonia's" wig ... I mean hair. It doesnt move. Why can't shows get hair and makeup folks that can do "ethnic" hair? What year is it? I'm going to watch this stupid show just to make sure I don't like it, but I don't want to. It's like they took some ER, some Grey's Anatomy (medical professional fresh from Iraq) some Nurse Jackie (misanthrope nurse that's on drugs AND bumbling new nurse. I think ole girl from Nurse Jackie has that last one on lock, though. She's funny.) and made a salad. Let's see how long folks are going to eat it.

The IT Crowd

2009-07-28T09:54:00.000-07:00

This show is like the British version of JPod meets Better off Ted, but with more sight gags and less violence. Its funny. You might recognize Chris O'Dowd from The Boat that Rocked. You can watch the entire first two seasons on Netflix instantly (now serving Macs as well as PCs). Gotta love Moss' gumby hairdo.

Check out this entire episode

Better Off Ted

2009-07-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

This show is like The Office, but a whole new league of sarcastic, quirky and morally corrupt. Portia de Rossi shines as the ice queen bitch and no amount of marrying Ellen Degeneres will ever make me think that she's gay, though Ellen has been known to turn the odd straight girl onto her clam bake. The title character is played by Jay Harrington, a familiar face though you won't know why. Harrington has been working steadily for 10 years including 5 episode arcs on Desperate Housewives and Private Practice. What really makes this show funny is the fake company they work for (Veridian Dynamics), the fake commericals, the outrageous products they produce (light switches that recognize when someone walks in the room by how much light bounces off their skin, thus not turning on for black people ... it only gets more hilarious from there with thier ridiculous solutions to that problem), the atrocious side effects of said products and their utter disregard for humanity. It's like all the bad stuff big business was doing to society and different communities and minority groups ... was funny. ABC.com and hulu.com have full episodes.

The Good Wife

2009-07-13T17:18:00.000-07:00

Julianna Marguiles stars in The Good Wife about a woman who returns to work after her cheating politico husband (Mr. Big) gets caught in a scandal and goes to jail. I kind of wish this was a comedy or a farce.

Dead Like Me

2009-07-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

This show was cancelled way too soon. Then Mandy Patinkin refused to do the movie and/or his current show Criminal Minds. What's up with that dude? Also starring Diffrent World's Jasmine Guy, Diary of a Secret Call Girl's Callum Blue and Grey's Anatomy's Eric Dane's speed demon/child murdering Noxema wearing wife Rebecca Gayheart ... she is later replaced by Women's Murder Clubs (another show that didn't get a fair shake) Laura Harris. I prefer Gayheart. Check out the entire pilot below.

Party Down

2009-07-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Does anyone even subscribe to Starz, like on purpose? You know when it doesn't already come free with the purchase of another channel. I'm predicting that in the next few years, people will be doing just that. With other underrated shows like Head Case (I'm sorry Crash is a bit overwrought; and I have yet to see Hollywood Residential so I shall reserve judgment on that one), Starz will have a cult/core demographic akin to Fox the early years (Think the Tracy Ullman Show, Married with Children, In Living Color years).

Anyway, Party Down is hilarious. Okay, so it took me 2 or 3 shows to get into it, but that could just be me or maybe it hadn't found its stride yet. Party Down is chocked full of funny people that have been in a little bit of everything and few fresh faces, too. Adam Scott (the husband from the painfully melodramatic Tell Me you Love Me) plays the hunky ex-commercial star who is new to the cater waiter staff. Lizzy Caplan (True Blood, Related) is his wise cracking part time comedianne love interest. Jane Lynch (Two and Half Men, The L Word) is always on par saying quite inappropriate things that I'm convinced she makes up herself. The cast is rounded out nicely by Ken Marino (Reaper) as their boss, Martin Star (Freaks and Geeks) as the malcontent and Ryan Hansen (Veronica Mars) as the resident mimbo. Each episode features them catering a different event from the porn awards, to the sweet 16 complete with hired rappers, to a conman's fundraiser.

Bully Beatdown

2009-07-08T09:50:00.001-07:00

You have to check MTV2 for original programming. Gone are the days when MTV2 used to play old reruns of The Gauntlet and cool music videos from bands no one has ever heard of. Well, that last one may still be true, but MTV is its own channel with its own personality. Give it a little attention. Basically this show works like this. Say you have a bully that deserves a proper beatdown, but you are a whily little nerd. You go on Bully Beatdown where they provide you with someone able to kick their ass. Now, this sounds like an 80s movie, but its a little more fair. In an 80s movie, the bully would be a hulking (and aging) pro wrestler. In Bully Beatdown, the bully beater is comparable in weight class and age. The bully beater is not necessarily comparable in skill. I mean we do actually want to see the bully get beat. So what's in it for the bully you ask. Well, $5,000, that is if said bully can last 5 rounds with the beater without having to tap out. Everytime the bully taps out, $1,000 goes to the nerd. This show is pretty fricking cool. What would be cooler is if they had chick bullies on there because they are ridiculously mean and they deserve a good beat down. But that would be more like cage match pay per view fair. I got 5 on it.

Torchwood: Children of Earth

2009-07-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

Since when does a season get a subtitle. I'm not really sure what the difference between Children of Earth is versus the regular Torchwood other than this is Season 3 of the series and this particualr story arc spans 5 episodes instead of the usual one. It seems to be a miniseries within the Season. If you like Dr. Who or Sanctuary (the show Sci-Fi channel imported from Canada) and the like, tune in -- though I recommend watching the first 2 seasons so you're not completely lost. But honestly, I find it quite schlocky. It doesn't avoid the cheese like The X-Files did and like I'm hoping Warehouse 13 will.

NYC Prep

2009-07-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

I feel my brain cells dying as I'm talking about this show. This is trashy TV even for me. I would recommend you watch Bad Girls Club before I would recommend you watching this show. It's that bad. It's rich people being snobby, ungrateful and well, rich. When you neglect kids (and living in the hamptons while your highschool aged children live in the city is NEGLECT) they are left to their own devices (see: Lord of the Flies). They are all brats. Not a single solitary one of them has one redeeming quality. They are not even cute to look at. The one girl looks like a baracuda. I swear I think her teeth are all pointed. I've never seen so many undeservingly entitled people in all of my days and I've gone to highschool AND university with some of the richest people of the nation. I am quite honestly appauled. Don't waste your precious life minutes or mind grapes ( sorry, I have been watching a lot of 30 Rock lately) on this abysmal show. Completely uninteresting.

Tiny & Toya

2009-06-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

Reality TV fair airing Tuesday nights on BET. This might draw some major viewers. These woman are "baby mamas" to two of the hottest (read: richest after Jay Z and Diddy ... if he even counts as a rapper) rappers in the game right now T.I. and Lil Wayne. Toya is Wayne's first love, first baby mama & first wife. Though they are not together now, it is quite clear she is taken care of and still very much in love with Dewayne Carter though they split long ago. Tiny is NOT T.I.'s first love or first baby mama, BUT she has been with him since before we knew who the fuck he was. When they met, SHE was the more famous one having had a successful career in the R&B group Xscape that had major hits and having written songs for other artists like TLC's No Scrubs. Heard of that song haven't you. But now it seems all Tip wants her to do is stay at home barefoot and pregnant. Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was 1942. It astonishes how conservative black culture truly is. In the same breath of gangster rap, selling drugs, and strippers ... they talk about god, wifee, staying home with the kids. Every culture is hypocritical. I guess black people try to hide it less. People are going to tune in to see what made these women so special to Wayne and Clifford Harris, but they are going to keep tuning in because these women are fascinating in their own right. Check it out for yourself. See what I'm talking about.

Hung

2009-06-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

This show comes out next week, June 28th on HBO. An out of money gym teacher starts turning tricks to make ends meet. Really, times are that hard? Well, its the hot Thomas Jane (Punisher, Sweetest Thing) as the meathead turned beefcake so you might want to tune in.

UPDATE

I have since watched this show and am on the fence about it. Hmmmm ... I'm going to give it two more episodes.

Saving Grace

2009-06-18T11:11:00.000-07:00

Season 3 kicks off with blood, guts, lies, love and Earl, Holly Hunter's guardian angel. If you've haven't been keeping up, rent Season 1 and 2 from Netflix. Grace (Hunter) lets Ham (Kenny Johnson, The Sheild) in on her secret angel when it threatens their relationship. Let's see how the repercussions of that confession reverbate throughout their relationship. Should be an interesting season. Too bad its lead in by HawthoRNe. That's not helping anyone. Check out Saving Grace site for a recap.

http://www.tnt.tv/series/savinggrace/

Hawthorne

2009-06-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

I want to like this show. I do. I'm one of those folks that think that Jada Pinkett was a much better actor than her husband. Well, she was. But you kinda gotta keep at it. She's not bad now, but this show ... I don't know. It's just not doing anything for me. Now, I know Nurse Jackie stole some of its thunder by being ... good and debuting a week earlier. But there is room for two nurse shows surely. There are 85 million cop shows. But Hawthorne is the Chicago Hope to Nurse Jackie's ER, it's the Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip to Nurse Jackie's 30 Rock .... well, except Studio 60 was a good freaking show and Hawthorne ... is not. It's a tad contrived and I don't find myself caring about any of the characters. I will be SHOCKED if this show survives in this economic climate where GOOD shows are getting cancelled because networks can't afford them. Its got a good cast who all come from great shows. Michael Vartan from Alias and Monster-in-law. If anyone needs a rebound guy in between husbands ala Jennifer Garner style, give your boy a call. You also have Saluka Mathew AKA the hooker whore from Men In Trees and a bunch of other faces you will recognize, but won't know the names of so I won't even bother mentioning it here. The cast doesn't really have any chemistry. I'm lobbying for Michael Vartan to get his own show that he actually stars in not another ensemble piece ala Big Shots. It's time to see if he can sink or swim. As for Jada, Ms. Pinkett if you're nasty ... I'm sure she can snag a role in her husbands upcoming blockbuster if she still feels like going back to work. That's what nepotism is for. Tune in while you can.

True Blood

2009-06-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

The new season of True Blood kicked off yesterday, and its still as hot as ever. Anna Paquin was getting down and dirty last night like mama Holly Hunter flexed her skin in the Piano. I see the writers of True Blood buckled under pressure and did not kill off Nelsan Ellis' character Lafayette Reynolds though from my understanding he is quite dead in the book. Glad to see that Rutina Wesley (How She Move) toned down that twang of an accent. And what kind of world are these people living in? Vampires, okay. Now we got shapeshifters and dare I say .... a greek goddess? Either that or a succubus. What is up with Michele Forbes (In Treatment, Homicide: Life on the Streets) aka MaryAnn? Since I can't even make it through the first book, I'll just have to watch and see what tricks this chick has up her sleeve. Give me a tweet @saviaj and let me know what is this chicks deal. She hasn't aged a day since she shtupped a 17 year old Sam Trammell (Going to California). I don't know about yall, but when I find a naked teenager in my house in the middle of the night who is intent on robbing me, my first instinct isn't to fuck him. But to each his own, I guess. Those fangs are still ridiculous.